Thank you for the sweet gift of a partridge in a pear tree. It was romantic and thoughtful. Can’t wait to see you again.
Signed Your Sweetheart
Day 4
Dear True Love,
I am overwhelmed by your boundless generosity. You have given me more than I deserve. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but please stop. Perhaps, you misunderstood me when you visited. Yes, I love angry birds, but this isn’t what I meant. I don’t have enough room in my humble home for all of these birds.
Signed Your Grateful Sweetheart
Day 12
Dear Moron,
ENOUGH ALREADY! Stop sending me your stupid gifts. I contacted you after the first fours days of Christmas asking you to stop. After all, what was I going to do with all the noisy birds. Then, to make amends, you were thoughtful enough to send me 5 golden rings.
However, on day 6 you started with the freaking birds again.
Now, my house is a total wreck and I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
First, I haven’t slept in days. Then, on the 11th day of Christmas you sent me the eleven Pipers piping. Those annoying idiots haven’t stopped piping. You make things worse sending 12 Drummers drumming. How is a woman supposed to sleep with all this noise?
With all this music going on the 10 Lords a leaping are hopping all over the place crushing the 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, and 2 turtle doves. There is blood, feathers, and bird dropping everywhere.
Then, the Lords a leaping got together with 9 ladies dancings and trust me, the 6 geese aren’t the only ones who are laying.
The 8 Maids a milking splattered milk everywhere. Well, the 9 Ladies dancing slipping. Two crashed into the pear tree knocking off the poor partridge. Three others fell on the 7 Swans a swimming. And one broke her hip.
My life and house are a disaster. There are 7 law suits currently filed against me. The condo’s Homeowner Association has asked me to vacate the premises immediately.
This is the last correspondence you will be receiving from me. You will be hearing from the police since I requested an order of protection. And the next letter you receive will be from my attorneys Noel, Noel, & Fitch.
Pabst Christmas, I grape juice my Harp. The sherry next day, you Grain Belt it a whey. This beer, to save me some cheers, I’ll gin it to Southern Comfort.
Labatts Christmas, rye gave you Mike’s Hard. The Merry’s next Grey, Goose gave it away. Mixed year, to Seagram’s some tears, I’ll give it to sima special
It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won’t see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you
Red Red Wine.
99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.
/showme 99 bottles of beer on the wall and double check your count
@mediocrebot That is 60 bottles. Someone needs to count a third time
@mediocrebot @Mehlachi A third count would end with a drunker bot and less bottles.
@mediocrebot @Mehlachi @yakkoTDI
…and he’s 40 bottles deep already!
/showme Mediocrebot starting to drink 99 bottles of beer, with 60 full bottles in the background and 39 empty bottles on the floor
@phendrick You should try Claude 4.5 since it just did it right when my son did it.
@mediocrebot I think 50 is your limit
@phendrick
All in all, it’s just another beer on the wall.
@phendrick @PocketBrain
We don’t need no carbonation
We don’t need no hop control
@macromeh @PocketBrain
No rushed clearing of the table
Waitress leave those mugs alone
Sprite Christmas
/youtube one bourbon
It’s all about Christmas spirit!
She was all lovey, dovey until out the door I went
@2many2no OK, maybe this is more Christmassy
/youtube Bob and Doug 12 days
@2many2no in a similar vein…
https://thelonelyauthorblog.wordpress.com/2015/12/14/a-modern-day-response-to-the-12-days-of-christmas/
The text:
Day 1
Dear True Love,
Thank you for the sweet gift of a partridge in a pear tree. It was romantic and thoughtful. Can’t wait to see you again.
Signed Your Sweetheart
Day 4
Dear True Love,
I am overwhelmed by your boundless generosity. You have given me more than I deserve. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but please stop. Perhaps, you misunderstood me when you visited. Yes, I love angry birds, but this isn’t what I meant. I don’t have enough room in my humble home for all of these birds.
Signed Your Grateful Sweetheart
Day 12
Dear Moron,
ENOUGH ALREADY! Stop sending me your stupid gifts. I contacted you after the first fours days of Christmas asking you to stop. After all, what was I going to do with all the noisy birds. Then, to make amends, you were thoughtful enough to send me 5 golden rings.
However, on day 6 you started with the freaking birds again.
Now, my house is a total wreck and I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
First, I haven’t slept in days. Then, on the 11th day of Christmas you sent me the eleven Pipers piping. Those annoying idiots haven’t stopped piping. You make things worse sending 12 Drummers drumming. How is a woman supposed to sleep with all this noise?
With all this music going on the 10 Lords a leaping are hopping all over the place crushing the 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, and 2 turtle doves. There is blood, feathers, and bird dropping everywhere.
Then, the Lords a leaping got together with 9 ladies dancings and trust me, the 6 geese aren’t the only ones who are laying.
The 8 Maids a milking splattered milk everywhere. Well, the 9 Ladies dancing slipping. Two crashed into the pear tree knocking off the poor partridge. Three others fell on the 7 Swans a swimming. And one broke her hip.
My life and house are a disaster. There are 7 law suits currently filed against me. The condo’s Homeowner Association has asked me to vacate the premises immediately.
This is the last correspondence you will be receiving from me. You will be hearing from the police since I requested an order of protection. And the next letter you receive will be from my attorneys Noel, Noel, & Fitch.
Drop dead.
Signed One Angry Lady
Pabst Christmas, I grape juice my Harp. The sherry next day, you Grain Belt it a whey. This beer, to save me some cheers, I’ll gin it to Southern Comfort.
Labatts Christmas, rye gave you Mike’s Hard. The Merry’s next Grey, Goose gave it away. Mixed year, to Seagram’s some tears, I’ll give it to sima special
The little drunken boy
As a Seattleite, I appreciate “Rudolph the Red-nosed Rainier” more that most might!
It’s Christmas at Coke Zero
@pakopako
The (dispenser) button has been pressed…
Jingle Bellini Rock
In the Absinthe of Christmas
@rockblossom
Little Rummer Boy
Jingle Bell’s Whiskey
It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won’t see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you